I fully understand. I have had a roller coaster of emotions myself. Any sane person wouldn’t go crazy. LOL

I do a practice every day that may help. I spent 2 minutes looking at something. it can be anything. I mix it up. One morning it could be my plants, the next, a dirty shirt on the floor.

For 2 minutes I admire its beauty. I look at the shapes it forms, the way the light hits it, the different hues etc. My mind can wander into geometry and the perfection of creation. I can think about the artist who designed the lamp or the person in the factory that put it together. You get the point. Just look deeply and let your brain see, and feel, ponder.

Then I say, “ How did I get so wealthy?’ Why am I so wealthy?” I also take notes on the experience. It could be a sentence or 2, nothing major, but as a writer, you never know!

It really changes my perspective, All things then become beautiful.

Try it, but be consistent. You will eventually see a shift.

Much love to you my brother!